- Find, attract, and date/sleep with a professional ball player, musician/actor/comedian or other world famous person.
- Make a sex tape w/ famous person (from step 1).
- Have a friend write or call the tabloids and tell them that there is a sex tape (from step 2) of a famous person (from step 1), with some random chick.
- Make sure your friend tells the tabloids (from step 3) that they have no ties to you, since you are the random chick in the sex tape (from step 2) with the famous person (from step 1).
- Have your friend who doesn't know you (from step 4) secure monetary gain from the tabloids (from step 3) for the sex tape (from step 2) of you and the famous person (from step 1).
- Obtain the money (from step 5) that your friend (from step 4) got from the tabloids (from step 3) for the sex tape (from step 2) of you and the famous person (from step 1).
- Once the tabloids (from step 3) have released the sex tape (from step 2) containing you and the famous person (from step 1), tell the tabloids (from step 3) that the sex tape (from step 2) is a tape of the famous person (from step 1) and you. Your legal name.
- Accept all offers for interviews from other tabloids, radio stations, news stations, and other possible media outlets to discuss the sex tape (from step 2) of you and the famous person (from step 1).
- Sit back and let your sex tape skills do the talking- err, moaning, slurping, gurgling, sucking, position changing, for you.
- Sign your first contract for your own reality show and viola! You've arrived.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
10 Easy steps to help women who lack any talent, become famous
Monday, July 6, 2009
Latin Women, the Black Man's Replacement Black Woman
I know I'm buggin with my titles yall, but its all in good fun. You should know I'm partially off so I wouldn't take it so serious, and if you do, then take it that way sucka (nah I'm playing). So without further ado, here is my Top 26 list of Hispanic/Latin Women that I would give my left eyebrow to be seen with any day, any time. In no particular order after number 1 lol.
- ReinadeNYC (She's here because she's my favorite, plus have you seen her? My lawd!)
- Rosalyn Sanchez
- Sofia Vergara
- Salma Hayek
- Eva Mendez
- Jennifer Lopez
- Christina Aguilera
- Gabriela Bo
- Shakira
- Nelly Furtado
- Miss Universe '06 (I believe, she was Ms. Puerto Rico - Zuleyka Mendoza)
- Gisele Bundchen
- Bruna Abdullah
- Penelope Cruz
- Paula Rubio
- Pilar Montenegro
- Luz Elena Gonzalez
- Galilea Montijo
- Rosie Perez
- Alicia Machado
- Thalia
- Daisy Fuentes
- Rosario Dawson
- Maribel Guardia
- Sara Maldonado
- Marlene Favela
Monday, June 15, 2009
Their Innocent!
If I struggle to do something properly would you help me, or would you belittle and critique me while harboring a pompous attitude?
If I were willing to conquer Mt. Fuji to learn the knowledge you held, would you assist me to reach the summit or greet me with mal-intent at the bottom on the other side of the mountain?
What if I told you that you were the sunshine that lit up my day? Would you help nourish me with your warmth, or attempt to scorch me with heated words and deeds until I withered and died inside?
If you knew how much you mean to me and the reason I feel the way I feel about you, would you hold me and tell me the same or would you abuse my vulnerable, fragile mind state and frame?
What if I loved you so deeply yet couldn’t express my love in a way that was intelligible to you? Would you still allow me to continue to express myself, or would you stifle my attempts with anger?
Most children feel this way, however at different stages of their lives they are at times unable to communicate to us adults in an effective manner. As children grow their ability to express themselves develops in most cases, often times to the point where they are able to articulate to you (the parent, grandparent, guardian, family member, care giver) how much they care for you. Please do not abuse them, take advantage of, or misguide them. Their innocence is one of the greatest gifts given to us by God, for through them we can truly see how to be honest and open. We can also see how we can be forgiving and trusting. Have you ever known of a small child to hold a grudge? If so please tell me so I can slap the mess out that bay-bays kid who don’t know the difference between their thumb or toe, running around in the house smelling like they just robbed a manure farm, all in their diapers needing a change smelling like they just came straight out a camel, crying all the dag on time, whining cause they can’t eat right away, biting you on purpose, unintentionally, but still biting you, getting out of their bed when they are supposed to be lying down sleeping, sneaking off in the corner to do numbers 1 and 2 which don’t equal up to 3 but will still leave you very perplexed, always gotta be dressed and buckled in cause their little uncoordinated fingers and hands be jabbing themselves in their mouths and eyes, needing a pacifier knowing that they don’t need a pacifier, always tryna rock the latest in gear, having you buy clothing for them months in advance, constantly needing you to spend money on them spoiled little things, get a job, I had to work 12 jobs when I was their age, they don't make them like they used to, always needing you to wipe their noses, mouth and other parts cause they are too lazy and uncoordinated to do it themselves, always wanting to be entertained and fed, always eating, will eat you out of house and home, hogging the spot light at family events as if they have no siblings and even if they don’t they still shouldn’t be trying to always hog the spot light, shoot…. Yall see what I’m saying. Be loving to the kids. And especially the older ones, cause they will call the Police on you.
© 2009 J. Reed
If I were willing to conquer Mt. Fuji to learn the knowledge you held, would you assist me to reach the summit or greet me with mal-intent at the bottom on the other side of the mountain?
What if I told you that you were the sunshine that lit up my day? Would you help nourish me with your warmth, or attempt to scorch me with heated words and deeds until I withered and died inside?
If you knew how much you mean to me and the reason I feel the way I feel about you, would you hold me and tell me the same or would you abuse my vulnerable, fragile mind state and frame?
What if I loved you so deeply yet couldn’t express my love in a way that was intelligible to you? Would you still allow me to continue to express myself, or would you stifle my attempts with anger?
Most children feel this way, however at different stages of their lives they are at times unable to communicate to us adults in an effective manner. As children grow their ability to express themselves develops in most cases, often times to the point where they are able to articulate to you (the parent, grandparent, guardian, family member, care giver) how much they care for you. Please do not abuse them, take advantage of, or misguide them. Their innocence is one of the greatest gifts given to us by God, for through them we can truly see how to be honest and open. We can also see how we can be forgiving and trusting. Have you ever known of a small child to hold a grudge? If so please tell me so I can slap the mess out that bay-bays kid who don’t know the difference between their thumb or toe, running around in the house smelling like they just robbed a manure farm, all in their diapers needing a change smelling like they just came straight out a camel, crying all the dag on time, whining cause they can’t eat right away, biting you on purpose, unintentionally, but still biting you, getting out of their bed when they are supposed to be lying down sleeping, sneaking off in the corner to do numbers 1 and 2 which don’t equal up to 3 but will still leave you very perplexed, always gotta be dressed and buckled in cause their little uncoordinated fingers and hands be jabbing themselves in their mouths and eyes, needing a pacifier knowing that they don’t need a pacifier, always tryna rock the latest in gear, having you buy clothing for them months in advance, constantly needing you to spend money on them spoiled little things, get a job, I had to work 12 jobs when I was their age, they don't make them like they used to, always needing you to wipe their noses, mouth and other parts cause they are too lazy and uncoordinated to do it themselves, always wanting to be entertained and fed, always eating, will eat you out of house and home, hogging the spot light at family events as if they have no siblings and even if they don’t they still shouldn’t be trying to always hog the spot light, shoot…. Yall see what I’m saying. Be loving to the kids. And especially the older ones, cause they will call the Police on you.
© 2009 J. Reed
Thursday, June 11, 2009
My Brief Palm Pre Review
The Arrival
So after having waited for a few days my highly anticipated Palm Pre arrived at my residence. I was elated that my rather pricey product (total $325 minus a mail-in rebate that will come in 10-14 weeks) was finally here, after being told by the Sprint Store Sales Rep I would have received it Tuesday, but didn't actually get it until Wednesday. I guess it was just more of an opportunity for me to practice patience. I was provided with a tracking number sent to my email from Sprint the day the product shipped so I didn't bug out and call Sprint demanding credits and other forms of compensation. I knew when I'd get it, and got it I did.
Naturally once I got the package I tore into it like my kids on Christmas tearing into their presents, and was surprised to find the Pre bundled in a rather compact package. The contents included, 1 Palm Pre, 1 Travel Charger, 1 USB Micro connector cable, 1 set of stereo headphones, instruction booklets, carrying pouch and battery (which was already installed in the phone). I was disappointed to find that it didn't come with that "Touchstone" charger that sits on your desk and you can wirelessly charge your phone. I guess that it figures they would charge separately for that, so that they can continue to milk the public. That was a bit of a disappointment for reals, cause I thought it would be there.
I turned the phone on and placed a call to Sprint customer service immediately to have it activated. I was able to activate it after about an hour (due to the Sprint Tech not knowing what he was doing and thus inadvertently making me lock-up my phone so I couldn't place calls). So this is the part where I shall actually start my review.
Styling (exterior)
The Pre is all black (front and back) save for the little button (what I'll call "Return key" for lack of the actual term) found at the bottom of the face of the Pre and the receiver speaker (where you place your ear). These two items are done in a gun-metal gray or some would say silver, take your pick. The Pre has a very compact styling when collapsed and is not heavy at all, its actually light-weight. The face of the phone slides up to reveal the keypad which is similar to the Palm Treo's of the past. The revealed back portion of the face holds a reflective area similar to a mirror or the back of an iPod so that's nice for the ladies that need a mirror but are lacking one off-hand. Also good for me cause I have big nostrils so I need to make sure them jonts are clean before I'm all up in someones grill piece lol. There is a plastic rim that travels around the entire phone which feels a bit plasticky and cheap so that's kind of a draw back. Overall though on a scale of 1-5 (5 being the highest) I'd give it a 4 for styling.
The Main Icons (Phone's Default Pre-Set Icons)
Good stuff here. The card thing that ppl talk about as being a fascinating feature of the Palm's OS is truly what ppl claim it to be. Upon having the phone turned on, it actually gave me a brief tutorial on how to use some of the features. It was a bit of a pain however, because you have to set-up a Palm profile before continuing on with the tour of your phone. Once that was out of the way and the tutorial was done I was ready to go though. First thing I did was select each one of the 5 menu icons found at the bottom of the screen. The first icon is your "Key Pad" (which shows as a green telephone receiver). Selecting this brings up your onscreen key pad where you can type out a number or select a contact to call. Below your onscreen key pad at the bottom of the screen there are two icons. One is your call records list which is located on the right-hand side and the second is a voice mail icon located on the left-hand side. Pressing the "return key" takes you back to your main screen and the 5 main icons. The second main icon is your "Contacts" icon, and that's pretty much self-explanatory. You can add them manually, or allow it to pull your contacts from your gmail or facebook account and Outlook (if you have one). There is also a way to sync your contacts and information from your old Treo into your new Pre via your computer, but I have yet to do this. Pressing the return key takes you back to the main screen. The third main icon is an "Email" icon. This area allows you to add whatever email accounts you may have into this section, thus enabling your phone to pull and update your Pre with emails you've received. Nice feature indeed. Back at the main menu, the fourth main icon is your "Calender" icon which can also be updated from either your Gmail or Outlook account. This I haven't done as of yet either. The fifth main icon is your "Apps Arrow" that pulls up your applications, such as Sprint Navigation or Tweed or your camera, etc.
As a side note, you can actually replace 4 of the Main Icons to any other application icon you choose. The only icon that you cannot replace is the "Apps Arrow" icon which I found the technical term to be the "Launcher" icon. I like my designation better though.
So after that general over-view let me cut into more of what you'd like to know (as my homeboy @1hunid so expressed in a tweet to me).
Pros and Cons
Pros:
So after having waited for a few days my highly anticipated Palm Pre arrived at my residence. I was elated that my rather pricey product (total $325 minus a mail-in rebate that will come in 10-14 weeks) was finally here, after being told by the Sprint Store Sales Rep I would have received it Tuesday, but didn't actually get it until Wednesday. I guess it was just more of an opportunity for me to practice patience. I was provided with a tracking number sent to my email from Sprint the day the product shipped so I didn't bug out and call Sprint demanding credits and other forms of compensation. I knew when I'd get it, and got it I did.
Naturally once I got the package I tore into it like my kids on Christmas tearing into their presents, and was surprised to find the Pre bundled in a rather compact package. The contents included, 1 Palm Pre, 1 Travel Charger, 1 USB Micro connector cable, 1 set of stereo headphones, instruction booklets, carrying pouch and battery (which was already installed in the phone). I was disappointed to find that it didn't come with that "Touchstone" charger that sits on your desk and you can wirelessly charge your phone. I guess that it figures they would charge separately for that, so that they can continue to milk the public. That was a bit of a disappointment for reals, cause I thought it would be there.
I turned the phone on and placed a call to Sprint customer service immediately to have it activated. I was able to activate it after about an hour (due to the Sprint Tech not knowing what he was doing and thus inadvertently making me lock-up my phone so I couldn't place calls). So this is the part where I shall actually start my review.
Styling (exterior)
The Pre is all black (front and back) save for the little button (what I'll call "Return key" for lack of the actual term) found at the bottom of the face of the Pre and the receiver speaker (where you place your ear). These two items are done in a gun-metal gray or some would say silver, take your pick. The Pre has a very compact styling when collapsed and is not heavy at all, its actually light-weight. The face of the phone slides up to reveal the keypad which is similar to the Palm Treo's of the past. The revealed back portion of the face holds a reflective area similar to a mirror or the back of an iPod so that's nice for the ladies that need a mirror but are lacking one off-hand. Also good for me cause I have big nostrils so I need to make sure them jonts are clean before I'm all up in someones grill piece lol. There is a plastic rim that travels around the entire phone which feels a bit plasticky and cheap so that's kind of a draw back. Overall though on a scale of 1-5 (5 being the highest) I'd give it a 4 for styling.
The Main Icons (Phone's Default Pre-Set Icons)
Good stuff here. The card thing that ppl talk about as being a fascinating feature of the Palm's OS is truly what ppl claim it to be. Upon having the phone turned on, it actually gave me a brief tutorial on how to use some of the features. It was a bit of a pain however, because you have to set-up a Palm profile before continuing on with the tour of your phone. Once that was out of the way and the tutorial was done I was ready to go though. First thing I did was select each one of the 5 menu icons found at the bottom of the screen. The first icon is your "Key Pad" (which shows as a green telephone receiver). Selecting this brings up your onscreen key pad where you can type out a number or select a contact to call. Below your onscreen key pad at the bottom of the screen there are two icons. One is your call records list which is located on the right-hand side and the second is a voice mail icon located on the left-hand side. Pressing the "return key" takes you back to your main screen and the 5 main icons. The second main icon is your "Contacts" icon, and that's pretty much self-explanatory. You can add them manually, or allow it to pull your contacts from your gmail or facebook account and Outlook (if you have one). There is also a way to sync your contacts and information from your old Treo into your new Pre via your computer, but I have yet to do this. Pressing the return key takes you back to the main screen. The third main icon is an "Email" icon. This area allows you to add whatever email accounts you may have into this section, thus enabling your phone to pull and update your Pre with emails you've received. Nice feature indeed. Back at the main menu, the fourth main icon is your "Calender" icon which can also be updated from either your Gmail or Outlook account. This I haven't done as of yet either. The fifth main icon is your "Apps Arrow" that pulls up your applications, such as Sprint Navigation or Tweed or your camera, etc.
As a side note, you can actually replace 4 of the Main Icons to any other application icon you choose. The only icon that you cannot replace is the "Apps Arrow" icon which I found the technical term to be the "Launcher" icon. I like my designation better though.
So after that general over-view let me cut into more of what you'd like to know (as my homeboy @1hunid so expressed in a tweet to me).
Pros and Cons
Pros:
- The touchscreens visibility is great, there is an option to dim or increase the back lighting. The clarity is crisp and images appear sharply on screen.
- I love the "Card" feature, which is the capability to run multiple programs at the same time. This feature wowed me this morning as I was running the "Tweed" Application (an app for Twitter), my email, my phones dial pad, and my Sprint Navigation! I have a Samsung Instinct for my other line and with that phone the Navigation app will close if I want to access the web or stop to check contacts to get a phone number to dial, etc. Not so with the Pre. I even put the phone to "sleep mode" (where the phones screen is black but it is still on) and upon waking up the phone I noticed that the Navigation hadn't missed a beat. I use the Navigation to see how traffic is on my morning commute as well as to find locations etc, so I find this "card" feature to be highly useful.
- The phone is light-weight and fits easily in a pocket or purse (I'm assuming on the latter seeing as how I don't own any personally lol).
- The black housing of the phone doesn't detract from the screen.
- 3 Mega-pixel camera with a built-in flash, which is nice. Definitely one of the draw backs from the Treo's. I never understood why Palm didn't place a flash in the spot where that tiny mirror object was located.
- It doesn't require a bunch of installation Cd's for linking it up to your pc. It pretty much is a plug-and-play item. Your machine should be able to locate the necessary drivers for it.
- You can re-organize your 4 favorite icons found on your main screen as opposed to the manufacturers chosen 4 that never move. I currently have my dial pad (which enables me to go to any contact I need if I want to place a call), Tweed, the Internet icon, and the messaging icon.
- Decent speaker phone volume, will definitely get the job done.
- The battery life isn't horrible, however its not the greatest. My usage today was pretty application intense as I was trying every function under the sun, so the battery lasted from roughly 6 am to 12 pm.
- You can zoom in and out of web pages and pictures like you do with an iPhone or iPod. The finger pinch or finger expanding feature works for the Pre as well.
- Automatically turns your image from portrait to landscape dependant upon which way you have the phone placed.
Cons:
- The battery seemingly takes forever to charge. If you have an hour free to charge your phone and its dead, it won't be even half-way charged. The charging time takes much too long.
- The plasticky strip that goes around the entire exterior rim of the phone is just cheap feeling. I don't like that.
- The face of the phone slides up to reveal the key pad, but not far enough to be out of the way. I have larger hands and wide fingers, and though I know how the key pad feels being that I've used a Treo for the past 6 years (has it been that long or maybe less?) the face of the Pre creates a ledge. This ledge makes it a little challenging to get to the top row of the key pad comfortably. Its not a deal breaker for me at all, but definitely something that I felt should be stated.
- The memory is internal is not expandable. There is no MicroSD slot available on the phone to add additional memory or to move pics from one device directly into the Pre without using the computer. This sucks, as I imagine as more apps are created for the Pre and I start loading all my contacts into it that I will eventually get a slow response time from the device. I see this being a problem in the future.
- I was forced to go with a new data/price plan. I did the Simply Everything plan with 1500 minutes for about $120 a month, but that's because I have two lines. I believe that for one line it's about 1/2 the price and I'm not 100% sure of how many minutes either. I did have a great plan going though, so I wasn't too happy about losing that plan.
- Inadequate carrying case. It comes with a little pouch that looks like it should be used to wipe a pair of glasses or carry change in. I would have at least liked to have had a clip on case of some sort. Those don't exist at this time (to my knowledge).
I'm going to conclude my review at this point because I'm tired of typing and because I don't know what else anyone would want to know. I know there are a few other things I could have gone into such as text messaging and the likes, but I'm not a tech-review person. However if you have questions about the Pre or what I've written here in this review, please feel free to either post them here or tweet me at www.twitter.com/blackmoz . Peace!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
White Women, the Black Man's treasure
My Top 25 (ever changing) list of White Women that I'd be willing to allow ruin me once successful. Oh, and in no particular order after number 10. Also, these are just a few but there are many more, so make sure to keep these women away from me if I become rich. Because I want them. That is all.
- Megan Fox
- Jessica Alba
- Kim Kardashian
- Jessica Biel
- Adrianna Lima
- Scarlett Johansson
- Olga Kurylenko
- Alessandra Ambrosia
- Jennifer Aniston
- Charlize Theron
- Ana Ivanovic
- Eva Longoria
- Stacy Keibler
- Alyssa Milano
- Vanessa Minnillo
- Monica Belluci
- Nathalie Kelly
- Bar Rafaeli
- Jordana Brewster
- Lucy Pinder
- Kristen Kreuk
- Miss California 2009 (Carrie Prejean)
- Ali Larter
- Jennifer Garner
- Jennifer Connelly
P.S. I also realize that some of these woman may not fully qualify as white, some may be mixed, or latina however they are close enough to it. I may do a list of my Top 25 Latina women next, followed up by my Top 25 Black women.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Sorry for the delay
So I've neglected my blog like a crackheads baby (ok, sorry bad analogy, cause I'm no crackhead, and child neglect is a terrible thing) but I'm back on it like a bike with fo' pedals (that's four pedals). Though I know that my dedication to this blog will probably wane more than lil, (get it - lil wayne) I've still decided to see how furiously I can pound away at the keyboard as to give the impression I'm truly committed to internet writing. I'd almost rather post old poems that I've written from years past and pretend like they were new pieces (lol and smh at the same time). I think I use parenthesis too much. -Break-
I never thought the day would come where other people would be interested in another persons rants and raves, but that day is here. I guess, if I were getting paid major money (or any type of money for that matter) to rant and rave over different subjects I'd do it to. I mean, how hard is it really, to sit down and simply type out words about your feelings, opinions and thoughts? This whole internet thing is the true Gift and the Curse. More on that in another blog, soon to be forthcoming.
Aight, enough for this one, just wanted to say I'm back on this blogging for as long as I am.
I never thought the day would come where other people would be interested in another persons rants and raves, but that day is here. I guess, if I were getting paid major money (or any type of money for that matter) to rant and rave over different subjects I'd do it to. I mean, how hard is it really, to sit down and simply type out words about your feelings, opinions and thoughts? This whole internet thing is the true Gift and the Curse. More on that in another blog, soon to be forthcoming.
Aight, enough for this one, just wanted to say I'm back on this blogging for as long as I am.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Color Black
So I was thinking of quite a few things this morning as I typically do. It started in the bathroom as I was preparing myself for work (cleanliness is next to Godliness). Let's ignore the fact that I still need a hair cut because that's irrelevant to this mornings thoughts. The thought that actually struck me as oddest of all and therefore stood out the most was the thought of the color black. I was looking at a cologne bottle "Angel Men" by Thierry M. (I've gotten mixed reviews on the scent btw, but that's another post) and it was black in color. My mind from there evolved thoughts of black not really being a color but rather being the near or total absence of light. I then thought to myself, that if black is the near/total absence of color then everything is black when there is no light. I mean the blue cologne in another bottle I own, would not appear blue without the light. There was a bath toy of my daughter's which was orange in color, but that too would appear black. My mind then took me to the fact that I'm blessed to be able to have sight, one, but two, that I'm able to distinguish colors. Sorry that I take so many small things for granted.
Just thought I'd share this with you this morning.
Just thought I'd share this with you this morning.
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